Friday, 15 January 2010

Our fertility issues

For those who don't already know, here is a blog about our TTC journey so far.

I always knew in the back of my mind that I would have trouble conceiving. My reasons were as follows:

1) My AF started when I was 12. My mum gave me a little calendar on which to mark each month when it came so that I tell when I was due. I never could tell. They were so irregular. I read somewhere that if they had not become regular after 4 years, you should go see a doctor. Well 4 years later they were still all over the place, but as a shy 16 year old, I couldn't even tell my mum what was happening, let alone a doctor. By the time I met DF at 17, AF was on her way out. I met him in June - by then that year I'd only had two AFs and the last one was pretty non-existent.

2) I went on the pill 3 months after meeting DF. I was extremely bad at remembering to take it. I mean really bad. But after 6 years of being on it, I had never had the 'accident' of falling pregnant, like a lot of people seem to do.

3) My mum had fertility problems, that were unidentifed in the 70s, and it took her four years and lots of fertililty drugs to have me

So, in August 2005, I decided to come off the pill, not to TTC, I can't even remember why now, but I think it just didn't agree with me anymore. By November, AF hadn't showed, and after doing a test, I got my first BFN. Over that Christmas, DF asked me to start trying for a baby! I knew I had to wait around 6 months after coming off the pill before going to the doctors. So in February 2006, after only 1, AF I went.

I was given some blood tests to check for polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), which came back positive. I then went for my first appointment with wandy to confirm. I remember feeling really sad that my first ever ultrasound wasn't to look for a baby.

After a 5 month wait for an appointment at the hospital, I was given 3 months worth of Clomid. The first three months passed with no result, and so I was given another 3 months supply. After the 4th month, things got a bit out of hand. Almost out of nowhere, I decided that I no longer loved DF. I hated him, I couldn't stand being around him and I dreaded coming home from work and having to spend time with him. Looking back I'm really ashamed of how I behaved. I then decided that there was no way I could stay on Clomid, as I didn't want to be a single mother at 24. I went back to my doctor and told her, in tears, how I felt. She told me that life wasn't like Pretty Woman! I had to think about it for another week and then let her know my decision. After another week I felt the same, and so I went back on the pill. I probably would have left DF at this point, but we had a holiday to Mexico booked for the following month with our best friends. I decided that I would still go, and that it would be a make or break holiday. We got on ok, and as the weeks passed, I slowly got back to normal. After Christmas, I felt completely fine, and just couldn't understand what had happened to me. Looking in the Clomid leaflet to see the side effects, it stated depression, mood swings and personality disorders. OK, thanks Clomid!! It explained a lot. All in all, it probably set back our TTC journey by about a year.

In March 2007, DF asked if we could start TTC again, to which I agreed. I went straight back to the doctors, who referred me back to the hospital. I was given another 3 months of Clomid. This time, I told DF exactly how I had felt previously, which was pretty hard on him. I also told close friends and family to watch out for me, and luckily I didn't have any of the same problems. DF was also referred for tests. In September 07 I underwent a laparoscopy and ovarian drilling. The drilling didn't make any difference to my cycles. The laparoscopy revealed one blocked tube.

I was then put on 1600mg of Metformin a day. I hated it!! I felt so sick all the time, the sight or even thought of most foods turned my stomach! My weight dropped to 7st 10 because I basically wasn't eating. At my next appointment I told the consultant that I didn't believe this was healthy if I was trying for a baby. He agreed and cut my dose in half. The only side effect I got from Clomid this time around was horrendous hot flushes!! There's a really flattering (ahem) picture of me at my sister's wedding. I was having a flush outside and I was sat on some stairs feeling awful, my mum is trying to loosen my bridesmaid dress for me, and the photographer decided to take a picture of me! Thanks!

I carried on with Clomid and Metformin until December 2008. By this time, DF had several semen analysis tests done and it revealed that he had a low sperm count. We were never going to get pregnant on our own, with or without Clomid. At this point we were referred for IVF. As the consultant said, 'You only need one sperm for IVF to work!'

Most of you know my journey from there as I joined Twitter just before we started the IVF treatment in June 2009.


NaVe said...

Wow. This post was a real eye opener to me! And you have given me hope that to keep trying even if feelings are strongly saying to give up. Thank you.


Hi Fifi, our stories are almost identical. We're not having IVF yet, maybe later this year or next. After all the ttcing with no result I just need some 'me time'. Best of luck! xx Bla