Thursday, 4 March 2010

FET Day 39 - Going crazy

Here I am at Day 39 of my FET, 10 days post embryo transfer. And I'm going slowly crazy...
I can't remember having any symptoms at this point last time, but I was still quite poorly from the OHSS. The only pregnancy symptoms I got last time came after the 2ww. This time has been completely different as I've been healthy, and so I have noticed every single little twinge.
A couple of months ago I bought The What to Expect Pregnancy Journal & Organizer and I've been dying to fill it in ever since! I started filling it in last week, albeit in pencil. Who would ever fill in Week 3 in pen, being completely confident they were pregnant? And why are there even week 1 and 2 pages?! So the symptoms/feelings I've written down are as follows:

Day 1 - Tired, excited
Day 2 - Bad stomach ache
Day 3 - Bad stomach ache, wind
Day 4 - Stomach slightly better, uptight, stressed
Day 5 - Very good sense of smell, very bloated, stressed, stress pains
Day 6 - Tired, tense stomach, bloated
Day 7 - Exhausted, nausea in the evening
Day 8 - Tired, strong sense of smell, slightly crampy, slight nausea
Day 9 - Stabby pains in the ovary, very down
Day 10 - Still a bit down, stressed, very bad nausea in the morning

I'd like to think from all of this that I am in fact pregnant. If I'm not, then I think my body has been playing a very cruel trick on me. So there, I've said it, I think I'm pregnant. But I don't understand why I can't feel excited. I don't think I dare to get my hopes up. Tomorrow is my last day at work before the big test day, so hopefully time will go a bit quicker, and an enjoyable weekend will hopefully take my mind off things. I can't think of anything else. My mind is completely overtaken by thoughts of the possible pregnancy. Every single minute, it's all I can think about. Work is not distracting me, college is not distracting me. It's sending me crazy.

I was thinking today, if I ever have to go through this again (which I probably will, as we'd like more than 1 child eventually), it might be an idea to go on holiday immediately after the transfer for the whole 2ww. Just to relax on the beach, and try to have a nice time. But then there's no point as you can't go in the pool or the sea. So then I thought about a spa break, but again, no swimming, no sauna, no jacuzzi. So a yoga retreat or something similar? Probably too much exercise. So I don't think there's actually anything you can do during the 2ww other than just sit at home and wait it out. Great.

So only 4 more sleeps until I can find out once and for all. We're taking doggy to the beach on Monday after the blood test and plan to have a nice day whilst waiting for the results. I don't know how I'm going to cope over the next few days! Thank you everyone for your kind and supportive tweets and for your prayers. You're all a lot more confident that it'll work than me!